Monthly Archives: March 2018

Loving Relationships

Loving relationships are not just the relationships between two people who are intimately involved. Loving relationships are those relationships between couples, families, siblings, parents and children, etc. What does a loving relationship feel like to you? We all have varying perspectives of love. What may feel loving to one person may not feel loving to someone else, yet all too often we place our own perceptions and judgments on others. Some expressions of love are universal, but many more are quite personal. How do you define love? What feels loving to you?

Part of being in a loving relationship means that we have to accept the other person for who he or she is, and not look to change him/her. This does not mean that you like everything about the other person, but you accept him/her without judgment. This tends to be easier to do early in any relationships before challenges emerge, and the road gets rocky. This is true in all loving relationships because as we spend more time with another person, and we grow and change, our sensitivity to any faults we perceive in that person become harder to ignore. Relationships tend to go through stages. First we see only each others’ virtues, then we see only each others’ faults, if we get through this stage then we can see each other for who we really are and truly be friends. Parents often say at various stages of their children’s lives that they love their child, but they don’t like them very much. It’s hard to feel loving when we see or experience behavior that is challenging or downright obnoxious. To be in a loving relationship, however, we do have to find ways to love, even when it isn’t easy. This does not mean that we have to ignore or deny hurtful or harmful behavior; it means we have to find ways to deal with these behaviors in ways that are loving, respectful and compassionate.

In order to focus on what it means to be in loving relationships, I find it helpful to use this acronym: HEARTFELT

H – Hear and listen with your heart— look for each other’s loving intentions. Don’t judge. None of us is that perfect that someone else couldn’t judge us harshly, as well. If we look for flaws and negatives we surely will find them. If we look for positive and loving qualities we will just as surely find those, too.

E – Emotional vulnerability. When we put up walls to protect us from being hurt, those same walls will also keep us from experiencing joy, pleasure and closeness. When we communicate lovingly, respectfully and compassionately, we are open and receptive to both giving and receiving love.

A – Acceptance: To lovingly accept the people in our lives, means we stop judging them. We may not like everything, but we have to learn to accept people for who they are, not who we want them to be, or think they should be, etc. The beauty of truly loving relationships is that in environments of love and acceptance we grow and flourish. In relationships fraught with tension and judgment we shrink back, and fear to grow.

R – Respect We need to respect ourselves first and then look for what we respect about the people we love. If we look for those qualities that are valuable and worthwhile and therefore deserving of respect, our hearts open up and we are able to see the good in them. If we judge and criticize and see only what’s wrong and what we don’t like, then we undermine the very relationships we say we want to nurture. What qualities do you choose to focus on in the people who are most important to you?

T – Trust : We need to nurture trust in our relationships. That means we must act with integrity. While we cannot control how other people behave or act, we can decide how we want to handle their behaviors, and TRUST in our abilities to cope effectively when their behaviors are less than stellar. In loving relationships we count on trusting each other to be loving, compassionate, respectful and wanting what is best for each other. Since we are human, and we will make mistakes, working through the issues while TRUSTING that we are working for our greater good is imperative.

F – Feel with your heart: don’t Judge: Like listening with your heart, feeling with your heart helps you to pay attention to your inner voice and pay attention to how you feel. We know way down deep inside when something feels loving, respectful and compassionate and when it doesn’t. To be in a loving relationship, means you can acknowledge when something feels uncomfortable, hurtful, painful, etc. while still respecting YOUR feelings enough to speak up! This connects to loving communication and vulnerability: vital in all loving relationships!

E – Evolve and Flourish: when you feel loved, supported and accepted, you can evolve to become the person you were meant to be. You have gifts that you bring to your relationships. You yourself are a gift! As you feel increasingly better and more loving towards yourself, you will increasingly allow your gifts to be expressed and shared. When you are with people who love, accept and respect you for who you are, you are able to evolve and grow even more, and you can feel yourself and your world open up and expand. Take a deep breath and just let this truth resonate within you!

L – Laugh!!! Life is serious, and we must make time to lighten up and laugh with each other and at ourselves. As the saying goes: we don’t stop laughing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop laughing. Let your spirit soar, and your heart take wings: Laugh with those you love loudly and often!

T – Talk openly and lovingly. Remember to always speak with LOVE, RESPECT and COMPASSION, and let the people you love and want to love know how you feel. Share your loving thoughts and feelings, breathe deeply and know that as long as you are speaking honestly and compassionately, your loving intentions can be seen and heard.

Love is a wonderful and necessary part of our lives. When we feel loved, or are in love, we find ourselves feeling easy, free, warm and cozy as well as all its other wonderful descriptive adjectives. All relationships, however, require WORK, as well as our time, attention and patience so that they can grow and flourish. Our loving relationships really are labors of love, and hopefully as you bring your heartfelt attention into your life, you will feel increasingly loving and loved in return.

Love Relationship Advice

Even though it is easy to fall in love it is not so easy to find true love. And while finding someone to have a relationship with is relatively easy, being able to make it last a lifetime seems to be the problem for many people. Love relationship advice can make the difference and help couples find their true love, build a happy strong relationship and make it last their lifetime.

Nowadays there are so many different ways of meeting someone; places like the bar and clubs have been super-ceded by online dating sites on the internet, but places like interest or hobby clubs are still good places to meet people who have something in common with you from the start. The safest way to meet someone is still through another friend or family member as a form of recommendation.

When you first get together everything is lovely and your new partner is “the one.” They know just what you like and the two of you connect on so many different levels, and they are so considerate and thoughtful, hanging on your every word. And there is nothing wrong with this, but where do you go to from there?

As your relationship goes on you begin to see the cracks… he does not show you the same attentiveness as in the beginning, she does not hang on your every word any more… Perhaps familiarity does breed contempt?

So how do you prevent these things from happening?

Here are 3 things to watch out for in your relationship with your love. By avoiding these, you can improve your chances of making your relationship last for the rest of your life.

1. Sex and Love – many people, especially younger couples, confuse sex with love. This can be because men and women view sex slightly differently. Men see sex as an expression of their masculinity, whereas women see sex as an expression of love and it is for them an emotional experience. Women can think that because he wants to have sex with her he must love her, and yes, it can be an expression of love but not till he knows he loves her in his head and heart. Some might say that men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love.

It is better to go slow in this area and be sure of how you feel about each other before committing to a physical relationship. Once begun, it is unrealistic to think that a couple would stop in order to clarify their feeling for one another. And the hormones that are produced by engaging in sex affect how you think and feel about your partner, and can blind you to things you need to be cautious of.

After some time in your relationship, the sexual side of your relationship can become routine and even a little stale. As you become more comfortable with each other, you may not seem to need sexual encounters the same as you once did and this does not mean that you do not love each other as much anymore, but rather other aspects of your relationship may have grown and deepened.

At this time it is important to talk with each other, find out what your mate wants or needs in this area, and do a revamp from time to time. Sex now should be an expression of love and a time for emotional connection and bonding. It can be a richer experience that the hot steamy desperate rush of young love.

While sex is an important part of a relationship it does not define it. It is still only part of building a good loving relationship.

2. Unrealistic Expectations – it is very easy when in a new relationship to think that your new love is perfect, and you have a specific definition for perfect in your mind. Unfortunately so does your new love. And, as your relationship develops, you can think that your partner “should” be like… your parent, or not like your parent, in other words, you have a mental checklist of what they should be like and how they would treat you.

The other aspect of this problem is that the perfect partner you fell in love with begins to change before your eyes. They stop doing those thoughtful things they did when you first met and start behaving differently. Perhaps they had been putting their “best foot” forward and were now reverting to who they really are.

If you find that you can’t love them as they are then you will need to let them go, or you could change your expectations and learn to love them for who they are as you would like them to do for you. Loving someone is to love and accept them, warts and all.

3. Communication Breakdown – women and men think and converse in different ways and the trick is to learn each other’s language. It takes time to be able to communicate effectively with each other and this is not any more so than for any other relationship.

Communication is the most difficult skill to learn but also potentially the most rewarding. It is the oil for the wheel of love that makes the world turn round.

Sometimes men and women will just give up saying that “it is a man thing,” that he can’t talk about it (in actual fact, he won’t) or that “it is just girl talk,” because he does not want to listen, thinking that she does not have anything interesting to say. This way of thinking, pulls down any chance of building a loving intimate relationship, because while going together can start with a physical attraction, it is the mental and emotional connection that builds on that to form a strong close relationship.

In order to be able to move forward together in a long-term relationship, a couple needs to find a way to communicate with each other, so they understand each other and have shared goals and dreams that they work together toward.

They need to be able to work together on a daily basis by using effective communication, and this takes time to achieve.

I hope that this love relationship advice can help you find your true love and make it last a lifetime. By knowing what to look for and having realistic expectations of what it takes to build a loving strong connection with someone you love, you improve your chances of making it work. Having a close in-depth loving partnership with the person of your dreams means having your feet firmly planted on the ground, and being able to enjoy the blessing of being together.

Building a Loving Relationship

Building a loving relationship – if you are part of a loving couple – may be the most important job in your life. If this isn’t the case, stop reading, because the information I’ll be sharing in this article will be beyond your ability to comprehend, much less act on!

Love in a relationship is different from anything else, and you can’t treat it like something you might have “accomplished” before. Love is pure, it is accepting, it is forgiving, and it is open to the lover’s thoughts and needs at all times. Anything else is not love, but only a distortion. Anything not love is simply a relationship of another sort, i.e., a living arrangement, roommate agreement, or work relationship designed to complete a given task, such as raising kids.

If you would like to thrive on finding new ways to love your partner, you need to prepare each aspect of yourself for the rare challenge that building a loving relationship presents.

Since you are reading this article, and are open to building a loving relationship, let’s examine some things that those committed to building a loving relationship might already be doing. Use this opportunity to put these practices into your routine those actions that make a loving relationship easier.

Following are some exercises to help you get started:

See that relationship problems are not really your partner’s fault.

The most critical error that people make when building a loving relationship is failing to take full responsibility for its success. If your sense of fair play kicks in and you see all the faults in your partner that strike you as “not fair,” it is very difficult to love anyone under those circumstances.

Try instead to imagine that relationship problems are not really your partner’s fault. This doesn’t mean ignoring willful abuse, just overlooking any argument that could be construed multiple ways. This will be challenging, but the rewards are simply too good to pass up!

Find new ways to love your partner.

Finding new ways to love your partner – every day – is something that everyone trying to build a loving relationship should aim for. Do they smile a particular way? Are they loving in bed? Do they walk the dog? Wash the dishes? Dress in the presence of others in a way that makes you look good? Always look for new ways to love your partner until it becomes habitual.

Get consistent feedback on your partner’s fears and concerns.

Building a loving relationship is both mental as well as emotional. Mentally, you need to be forgiving and find ways to be grateful. Getting consistent feedback on your partner’s fears and concerns every day would help you connect more and love easier. Carve time out of your daily routine to get consistent feedback on your partner’s fears and concerns. This guarantees that you will be building a loving relationship over time.

One of the best ways to determine if you are capable of building a loving relationship is to study the habits of other successful couples. You don’t need to copy their success all at once, but you can look at their habits and methods in order to utilize these in your own marriage or relationship.

Consider the following questions:

Can you forgive your partner – both consciously and subconsciously – for perceived injustices or slights?

If not, you are holding onto resentments that will kill your love… and your sense of fair play will even be the spear that kills it! You may be experiencing anger or resentment, and you justify that with perceived injustices. Better to release the emotion in a safe way, and simply accept that life is not fair!

Learn methods to forgive – I like the technique of screaming into a pillow and mentally shredding the other person to pieces in my mind while doing it. By releasing the emotional energy tied up in the so-called “unfairness” you allow the anger to dissipate while providing your mind with the “fairness” it seeks, i.e., not letting the offending person off the hook!

This process, by the way, is both powerful and safe. My wife and I have actually come to the point where we beg each other to go use it when resentments arise!

Can you convince yourself that you have “the better deal” in the relationship?

This is a powerful attitude – and one that requires a decision up front to embrace. My wife and I both see the other as the “better half” – really! This feeling that I’m “getting by with something” allows me to embrace the idea of giving to her even more. Since I’m, in fact, “getting the better deal,” then giving and loving becomes easier since it is also in accordance with my sense of fairness.

Are you willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work?

Building a loving relationship takes considerably more than waking up one afternoon to say, “hey, I need to build a loving relationship.” It might start out that way, but the real decision has to do with longevity. You should first prepare yourself both mentally and emotionally to accept things as they come to you over time, and not give up… no matter what!

This, by the way, is the hardest step you will take. It’s easy enough to get over short-term conflicts if you know there will be smooth sailing after that. But loving relationships are different; they take a lifetime of commitment.

Everybody has personal problems – some more than others – and real loving relationships are not always possible. Just know that going in.

If you have gotten into an abusive relationship, for example, you may want to re-evaluate before committing to the steps being offered here. Your best bet, in fact, may be to leave the relationship and start over with the right partner later.

A real bond with another person cannot be based on self-deception or denial. There must be safe opportunities for you to say what you really think and express how you really feel; otherwise it’s a one-sided affair. If that’s OK with you, then you don’t need this article. Carry on.

If you know it’s for real, however, and you have the opportunity to express yourself, then the points in this article will give you the tools you need to make it work, both now and in the future. But rest assured that everything is not going to be rosy.

Love does not always manifest itself as a loving nature or beauty. In fact, everything that appears to be NOT love will come up between the two of you over time! It’s up to you to look past the ugliness to the Holy Grail on the other side!