Monthly Archives: June 2018

5 Reasons Why and How to Get Them in a Loving Relationship

Love is abstract. It does not have a proper definition. But still it rules the world. No one can live without love-be it love towards the partner, love for friends, love for parents, love for family, love for dreams and love for self.

Among all these variations of love, the love relationship between a boy and a girl is quite complex. No love relationship can exist without proper commitment level from both parties. Without commitment to the relationship one does not feel the emotions of the opposite partner. You must be committed to carry on the relationship with an element of enduring love and care. Only then you can expect a healthy relationship with your partner.

It is a very common scenario in the world that men are less committed in a relationship. They like to jump from one place to another on a regular basis. It is yet to be derived whether it has some genetic and evolutionary reasons or just a patriarchy related side-effect. Whatever the reason it is a fact that men are less committed compared to their female counterparts.

But as have been told already without proper commitment any relationship is a failure in itself. Both the parties involved share responsibilities of such a disaster. The man must behave in a responsible manner to carry on the relationship with a solid level of commitment. If he is not committed then he needs to work on it. On the other hand the girls should understand the situation well and behave accordingly.

They should try to convince and explain the male counterparts that commitment is necessary to carry on their love forever. Efforts must be on to understand that a lot of men are afraid of commitment in a relationship. So the girls need to play an active role to shred away this scariness from the minds of the men.

Some reasons can be listed along with their remedies of men’s scariness and lack of commitment in a relationship.

Natural immaturity of the mind
A lot of men fail to act as a committed creature just because of their low age group. It needs time to understand the intricacies of life. Mental maturity is very much necessary for a commitment in a relationship.

Bad experiences
Men with sad broken relationships find it tough to assimilate in a new relationship. He becomes afraid of commitment. Proper care and comforting behaviour by the new girl is the key to a successful relationship with such men.

Aggressive behaviour of the female counterpart
A lot of men are afraid of love relationships for the aggressive role played out by their girls in a regular manner. Moreover girls with a flirty nature push back one’s commitment in the relationship with her.

Lack of self-confidence
Some men are very weak in nature. It is impossible for them to get committed in a relationship. They are a failure in case of taking responsibilities.

Playboy attitude
There are some men who like to play with girls. There is no scope of commitment in such cases.

Techniques to Maintain a Loving Relationship

I believe I make all the difference to the person I have a personal and intimate relationship with. I also believe once I enter a relationship, I am no longer independent, but am now interdependent. For me to have the best relationship possible, I must bring to the highest level of consciousness possible, myself, the person I am involved with, and the relationship I am having.

The word conscience is made up of two words. The word, “con” which means with and the word, “science” which means knowledge. Therefore, conscience means with knowledge. Our knowledge of truth comes from within, within knowledge of ourselves. When our conscious bothers us, it is because something is wrong. We have the knowledge that something is wrong.

How do I go about raising my consciousness about a relationship? What if I think it is already raised as high as it can go, how can I be sure it can not be elevated anymore? I have discovered six words that I keep in mind to help me raise my consciousness.

1) Objective

The main thing I need to do is to know what my objective is. What is it that I want? What I want is to be in a loving relationship. Of course I can want more than one thing, but for me to be in a loving relationship is plenty.

2) Intention

I have also discovered that intention is crucial to success.

I need to know why I want a relationship and what I want for, of, and from the relationship.

3) Focus

Next, I have to focus. This is sometimes an issue for me. I get easily distracted. Not by other men, but other things I want. If my goal is to be in a loving relationship, what does that require? It requires my thinking about my time together and my time apart from the person I am having an intimate relationship with. This includes my time at work, with friends, at school, with my family, pursuing my hobbies and other outside extracurricular activities, events, obligations, and desires I have.

Saying I want a relationship and not scheduling time for it does not work. I know because I learned this lesson early on in the relationship. My boyfriend and I were only seeing each other every other weekend. One of the weekends we were scheduled to be together, I added a get together with my family as well. I did not share this with him, until the last minute. It did not work. He felt alone. I felt his discontent with everything and it impacted our being together and our being with my family. However, because I cared about him, I got that I contributed to the discontent of the weekend by not honoring my word to him and to myself that every other weekend would be about us. I realized that to be in a loving relationship I have to decide how much I am prepared to do.

I learned that meeting the right person and having things in common or mutual attraction and appreciation for one another is good. But, being a relationship requires more. It requires thinking about my needs and my obligations and how I fit into the life of my boyfriend, as well as, how he fits in to mine. Do we make time for each other? Making time for each other does not always require being physically there. Phone calls, text messages, emails, are other ways of being in communication. Both, my boyfriend and I have to be focused on our work during the day, as our days are very hectic. We, therefore, have agreed to talk every night at 9pm.

4) Affirmations

I firmly believe that what you say you attract. Therefore, I use the power of affirmations to attract the kind of relationship I want. Two affirmations, I find myself saying is:

I am in a loving relationship that is simple and easy to maintain.

Everyday in every way all that I do brings my boyfriend and me closer.

5) Inner Dialogues (Conversations that are going on inside my head.)

Often people say one thing and think another. I am no exception. It is important that I am aware of what the little voice inside of my head tells me about the relationship I am in and the person I am with. If I am conscious of my inner dialogue, I can create the life I want. If what I say is not in sync with what I think, I immediately tweak the conversation. If I want to be in a loving relationship, I have to think that the relationship I am in is a loving one to be in. If I say one thing and immediately think something else and do not realize that I am doing this, I will not get the results I want for myself and my life.

I have learned to focus on facts. I try not to read into things and to make meaning out of things based on the conversations I am having inside my head. For example, if I tell my boyfriend I want to go see a movie and he says, no, I do not assume he does not want to please me. Perhaps we do not have enough time to see a movie and get back home in time, or he does not like what is playing or he rather go somewhere where we can be more romantic. I have learned to be careful not to jump to conclusions. I have learned that often the things I perceive as rejection is not rejection at all, but other factors that I was not aware of coming into play.

I have also learned you have to ask why. If I do not ask, I do not know. I am then just left guessing, and perhaps guessing incorrectly. I have learned never to be afraid to find out an answer. The truth is best, because it allows you to move forward in life, freely.

6) Talking (Bringing my inner thoughts to the surface.)

If I am attracted to the person I am with physically, and emotionally, but another part of me is not attracted that this person is not on the same spiritual level that I would like him to be, I feel unsettled. It affects my relationship with him and my relationship with myself. I therefore tell him this and we talk about it. We can then work on it together. I can not be in love with someone on one level, when on another level, I am not comfortable with who he is. By bringing all my thoughts to the surface, I can make decisions for my life. I can be authentic with my boyfriend and have a real relationship, not just an imagined one.

I know for a fact, that if you do not speak what is bothering you, because you do not want to hurt the feelings of the person you are having a relationship with, your partner feels it anyway. Somehow, someway problems creep into the relationship. Knowing and sharing the truth sets me free to have a loving relationship.

Love Relationship Advice

Most people do not find it difficult to find love but what starts to complicate things is that it is more difficult to make it last. Yet it is not impossible to keep your love for each other Keeping your love for each other strong is not impossible if you understand why relationships fall apart and are able to side step these pitfalls. At this point love relationship advice can be very useful.

Meeting each other to find the ideal partner has become easier with online dating services. Using these site makes it much easier than visiting all the bars in town to find that special person. Most couples have little difficulty in the first few months of their relationship. When you are in love it is so easy to find the other person perfect, as you are unable to see anything wrong in what your partner does during the initial stages of the relationship.

The expression that familiarity breeds contempt goes far in explaining why the longer a relationship continues the more often it problems occur.

So you both be wary of certain things creeping into your relationship as they are often traps that couples fall into without realizing what is happening. Knowing how to avoid these problems will give you a better chance of maintaining the strength and health of your relationship over the long term. The main types of problems are listed below.

1. Unrealistic expectations. At the start we all tend to believe that our new love can do no wrong. As our relationship slowly changes from falling in love to being in love and all the daily problems that have to be faced up to, it is so easy to lose some of the early glamour. At this point many couples conclude that they are no longer in love with each other and split up. The reality is that you are going to spend much more time in this ‘normal’ mode than you will in the early ‘glamour’ mode. You must recognise this is a perfectly normal progression in an adult relationship.

2. Inability to communicate effectively. It is the way life is that men and women express themselves differently. If you’re willing to take some time to learn how to you can learn to communicate effectively with your partner. To say that it is just the specialty of the men or the women serves just to provide an excuse for not learning. Yet, in reality, any mature and intelligent adult should be able to learn how to talk to and above all listen to their partner. You have to care enough about your partner and the relationship to take the time that is necessary to do so.

3. Don’t confuse sex with love. Men and women tend to look at sex in different ways. Women tend to look at sex as a way to connect with someone they love on a deeper physical level. The pleasure must be both physical and emotional. Men tend to see in sex, the definition of who they are as a man. As well as the pleasure they believe they have to prove their desirability and masculinity. When a relationship gets to the ‘comfortable’ stage this divergence of opinion creates considerable problems. When one partner seems less sexually interest in the other partner, severe stress is often created in the relationship.

If you arrive at this point in your relationship, don’t forget that sex is but one small part of all that your relationship consists of. Many couples find that an active sex life is an important part of the relationship, but they should not forget that as they get older and their relationship grows, it will likely become less important. So don’t think that your partner does not love you anymore or find you appealing; it is the natural result the longer the relationship lasts.

Improve Your Love Relationship

As human beings, we all desire to establish, develop and maintain loving relationship with those whom we care about. Most of us especially desire a love relationship, someone with whom to share our lives and grow old. It is arguable that on one really wants to die alone. But if this is so, then why are U.S divorce rates so high?

Many factors can account for why people split up such as early marriage, financial problems, infidelity, drug and alcohol addiction and abuse just to name a few. But, no one enters into a marriage with the intention of divorce so what goes wrong?

In order to maintain a love relationship over time, the bottom line is that each person in the marriage has a certain obligation and responsibility to practice emotional maturity and personal responsibility for their feelings, dreams and aspirations. Here are five key things to keep in mind if you want to keep that love relationship alive and well for decades.

Five ways to improve your love relationship

1. Be honest with yourself about who you really are, not who you think you should be or your spouse wants you to be. We can all only keep up a charade for so long, and then the dark side of us exposes itself at the worst possible moment.

Most of the time we deny to our conscious self that we do have a dark side in which we don’t always act in way we’d like. We confuse who we think we are with who we really are, a living human being with a complete range of powerful emotions that we’ve learned are not safe to express, especially the vulnerable or dark ones.

If we can’t accept that we are humans and are imperfect, how can we expect our spouse to do so? As long as we wear the mask of happy at the expense of embracing our pain and fear, an underlying anger and resentment will grow and grow until it finally rears its ugly head or we stuff it inside and become a victim. We begin the death march of projection of our anger, disappointment and depression onto our spouse. Somehow it makes sense to blame them. The result of this is an emotional distancing that is unhealthy and painful for both partners.

Understanding our own responsibility to be honest with who we are, what our aspirations are, what our fears are and what our joys are gives us permission and courage to ask for what we need it the love relationship.

2. Make time for the love relationship

This has been said many times, many ways and it bears repeating here. As time goes by and real life begins to creep into your loving world, it is important to remember why you got married in the first place and it is equally important to remember why you were attracted to your lover in the first place. All of the qualities that put butterflies in you stomach and passion in your heart in the early days of the relationship, still exist. However, life doesn’t stand still just because we are in love. No, the sun still rises every morning, the darkness comes and the bills have to be paid.

The importance of scheduled time together cannot be overstated. As you and your spouse grow, so too, will your love relationship. It will grow and change as you do and if you do not establish a deep respect and friendship with each other, your love relationship will suffer. Be creative about together time. Take turns planning your special time together, surprise each other, have fun, create adventures and make a point to create memorable moments. This is as easy as consciously being present in the simplest of moments. When you are fully present to your love, the meaning will be memorable.

3. Be compassionate

Over time, it become very easy to take our love relationship and our partner for granted, in actuality, we begin to consider them as an extension or ourselves and this, too, is a deadly mistake. While the two of you may have joined together as “one” in marriage, there are still two distinct personalities that have dreams and goals. Eventually the day will come when we find ourselves being harsh and judgemental toward the one we love the most. Other times we find ourselves speaking to our love in a way in which we would never speak to another person. At times like these, remember that how we speak to our spouse or others who are close to us, is actually a reflection of how we speak to ourselves in our minds through a process of negative internal dialog. This is a reminder to us to stop and show compassion both to ourselves and to our love and our loving relationship.

4. Be committed

A love relationship is above all a commitment that we make not only to our lover, but to ourselves. We are best served by understanding that a commitment is not just a promise and a powerful intention, it is our integrity. Personal integrity is separate from moral or ethical integrity an responsibility. It is a promise we make to ourselves, an internal standard of the way we will live our lives. Many moments will come and go that will test the integrity of both partners, but an acknowledgment of our own code of conduct and what is in our own integrity can serve as a powerful anchor to steady us to our commitment when challenging times befall us.

5. Be Positive

It’s human nature, for some unknown reason, to look for what is wrong instead of looking for what is right. This is a habit that is a must in a loving relationship. We find what we look for, so if we look for what is going wrong, or what we think is wrong about our spouse, we are sure to find it. On the other hand, if we look for what is right, we will surely find that as well.

In moments of frustration, asking this question, am I looking for what is right or what is wrong, can bring some much needed positive energy to any situation. There is no flaw in another that we can recognize that does not, in fact, dwell within us. The old saying “You spot it, you got it” is trite but true. We cannot identify what is wrong with someone else if it didn’t exist is us. If not, how would we know it exists? How would be be able to spot it in another? And likewise with looking for what is right. We possess those qualities too, for again, if not, we would never be able to recognize them in our lover or the loving relationship.

There is nothing like being in love, but nothing endures like a truly loving relationship that is built on honesty, integrity, compassion, commitment and a true respect for the greater support structure being built. These qualities are the bedrock of any loving relationship that will be with you for the rest of your life, in good times and bad, in sickness and health until death parts you briefly.