Monthly Archives: July 2018

Love Relationships

At one point in my life I thought I could write poetry so I did, I wrote a poetry entitled Love. I was quiet proud of myself, I even nicknamed myself Lyrical One. In reality it was not a very good poem, but at that time I thought it was. The poem was about human love relationships and divine love relationships. In human relationships I defended love by pointing out the errors of human nature. In divine love relationships I pointed out the unconditional love from within.

Today there are more people looking for love than there are people in love. Why is that? I think love has now become a fantasy, a dream, a figment of the imagination, a possible impossibility. The divorce rate is high with money and infidelity being the leading causes; there is a rise in domestic violence resulting in death and suicide; women are portrayed as sex objects in the media; the rate of teenage pregnancy and single parenting continues to rise; and recently bullying has become a major problem resulting in children and teenagers committing suicide. Clearly there is a lack of love in human relationships.

The fact is love requires hard work, commitment and perseverance. In the beginning of love relationships people go through what is called the honeymoon phase. Love is new and exciting and couples tend to fall in love with the feelings of being in love. Once the honeymoon phase is over and reality sets in, some couples tend to encounter conflict, and they may no longer feel the same as they did in the beginning of the relationship. The feeling of love begins to drift away and habits that were cute in the beginning become annoying. Some couples are able to bounce back, some never do.

I believe one of the biggest challenges of love is growing together. As individuals we change as we grow older; our habits, likes and dislikes are altered. For example, people who dated in college and met again 20 years later, have to get reacquainted because so much about each person has changed over the years. It takes effort to grow together as a couple, as each partner changes interests they should simultaneously acknowledge and support each other’s changes.

My observational experience from being around older couples that have been married for 40, 50, and 60 years is love thrives on consistency. Most couples felt the same way about each other as they did when they first met. The common factor among these couples was consistency; they did the same things they did when they first met. They talked, went out on dates, were romantic, and enjoyed each other’s company. The common factor among all these couples was friendship; they were each other’s best friend. I then concluded that couples should like and love each other.

My poem ended with my experience of unconditional love on a day to day basis. I wrote about self love which I later realized can be spiritual in nature. Love begins from within, a popular statement is “one must love oneself before anyone can love him or her.” This statement has been proven true time and time again when addressing the problem of people looking for someone to make them happy or to love them.

How To Keep The Romance And Passion In Love Relationships

In love relationships some people express what I like to call the sweet heartache of love; it is the racing beat of the heart, the butterflies or flutters in the stomach, or the wondering thoughts that make the mind daydream. Holding on to the initial emotions of feeling truly, madly and deeply in love is a challenge most couples face. As time progress or changes occur, couples ability to withstand life changes together is compromised by the predictability of familiarity. Familiarity is practice through the act of dating, the stage of having fun while getting to know a person. The catch is familiarity cannot stop or become stagnant, there must be room for new life experiences for love relationships to grow; in turn, couples should not stop dating in order to keep the romance and passion in their relationship fresh.

The Key of Dating

The key is to never stop what started a love relationship, in order to stay on top the demands of life. As the reality of life begins to settle in, couples have a tendency to get comfortable or familiar with each other. Couples may often no longer work towards impressing one another. They may begin a family which takes additional time away from their love relationship; they no longer have the time or the energy to put into their relationship. With that said, it is crucial to take the time and make the effort to sustain love. To do so couples should never stop dating, including the activities of romance and passion that goes along with dating.

The Goal of Dating

The goal is to keep the excitement, romance, passion, and spontaneity active in love relationships. Never assume that you totally know the person you are with, always keep in mind that different aspects of that person will change while you are together. Overtime, a person has new life changing experiences, both good and bad. Dating will enable couples to keep up with the individual changes that are occurring and impacting their love relationship. Couples should make dating a fun priority or required quality time spent together as a couple. Spending time together could be something simple as a scented candle light bubble bath or something elaborate as a Caribbean cruise.

Conclusion

The mistake most people make is believing love will conquer all, which is partly true; the whole truth is love can conquer all when sustained. Love relationships require hard work considering the changes people go through in their lifetime. Withstanding the changes of growing together as a couple is the biggest challenge of love relationships. In order for couples to keep their relationship fresh, dating should be implemented as a fun priority; it is crucial that couples take the time and make the effort to keep romance and passion in their relationships through dating.

Love & Relationships

Ten years ago I would never have thought I would ever be writing an article about spirituality and relationships. At the time I would have described myself as an atheist or at best an agnostic. I had little or no interest in spiritual matters and spent most of the time using my head to solve problems logically. I had numerous judgements about what I believed were controlling and hypocritical religions. This all came to a painful end when my marriage suddenly failed and I can face-to-face with my insecurities and hidden emotions. With little to fall back on I was thrust into a process of self-discovery and began to ask the bigger questions about life.

The experience of my divorce caused me to open my heart and through a number of relationship workshops run by the Psychology of Vision organisation I began to understand the profound link between our relationships and our spirituality. Although I hadn’t been terribly conscious of it in my marriage, there was something important missing in my life. I soon realised it was a lack of spiritual awareness. I also realised that my idea of love was like a commodity – something I would be given by a woman. This made me incredibly dependent on my wife for happiness. When she left me, I was forced to face the emptiness that had been inside me for most of my life. It was my belief in the scarcity of love that was at the core of my problems.

I was soon to be introduced to an idea that transformed my life – that love is not something we gain and lose – it is our essence. Love is who we are, it is our spirit. It defines us. It makes us feel whole. It is unchanging.

The implications of this idea turned everything I knew about love on its head. Our relationship problems do not come out of a personal lack of love but from an inability to know ourselves as love. Our fights and our withdrawal are a denial of our most precious essence. When we know ourselves as love we will feel complete and no longer have to desperately search for it in the world around us. We will learn to love ourselves and be able to form successful and happy relationships with other people. Such an understanding of love also provides us with a simple yet profound explanation for our spirituality. We do not need complex religious doctrines or philosophical ideas to discover our spirituality – we can simply and very naturally embody our loving essence and feel our loving connections with the people and the world (indeed the Universe) around us. The spiritual is not something full of mystery and superstition that lies at a distance or something that we must earn through religious devotion. It is the love that is ever-present in our lives and is available to us when we choose to experience it.

The other critical change in understanding comes when we release love from the constraints of the physical body. When we think of love as spirit, it becomes infinitely bigger than any of us. In the past I thought of love as the result of biochemical reactions within my brain but now I can visualise love as a Universal field of consciousness, of which I am an intimate part. This loving ‘field’ joins us to everybody and everything rather like a gravitational or magnetic field. Being in a loving relationship with other people and the world around us is therefore our natural state of being. Our suffering comes when we deny this state and believe that we are independent, physical entities. As soon as we disconnect and deny the love that we have for people, we create problems for ourselves. We can think of our relationships occurring on several planes – with a physical, an emotional and a spiritual dimension. In truth these are three manifestations of the same thing, but it can be useful to consider them separately, especially when we are trying to work on certain aspects of our relationships. Such a holistic understanding allows us to consider the whole rather than just the physical person. Working at the spiritual level will always have a positive impact on our physical and emotional relationships.

In a practical sense, the idea that love is our spiritual or divine reality, encourages us to remember who we are. Rather than wonder why we can’t find the right partner to love us in the way we want, we can ask ourselves why we won’t allow ourselves to feel all the love that is our spiritual birthright. By dismantling our own barriers to our spirituality, we naturally discover the self-love that lies underneath. If we forget who we are, we will project out our lack of love (which is another name for fear) onto the people around us and this will trigger their own sense of scarcity. The chances are that they will then attack us or withdraw from us. The solution to every relationship problem or any other problem we might face in life is therefore to rejoin the people involved and re-discover the loving connection that is our true destiny.

It’s not always easy to do this but we can ask for help from God or our higher, intuitive mind. All of us are on an unconscious journey back to the oneness of love and although we might delay our progress, ultimately nothing can stop us. The ideas that I introduce in my website and these articles are designed to assist the process of remembering who we are and forgiving ourselves and the people around us so that we can re-connect with them in a loving bond. At any moment in our lives, a choice for love rather than fear, will help us stay on the spiritual path back home and bring great happiness to our relationships.

Ways You Sabotage Your Love Relationship

You may be pushing your partner out of your life. Your fears, guilt, doubt, past experiences and feelings of unworthiness may drive you to doing and saying terrible things to the one you like or love. Whether you are doing this consciously or unconsciously, you could be pushing away the relationship of a lifetime.

It’s time to stop sabotaging your love relationship. You are worthy of relationship happiness. Your partner is not better or worse than you, as you both bring equally important things to the relationship. Here are 6 ways that you are sabotaging your love relationship, and what to do about them.

Unreasonableness
Doing the opposite of what your partner wants for not good reason is not good. At first, it will appear to your partner that you just aren’t seeing eye to eye. Eventually, it will become clear to your partner, and everyone else, that you are just disagreeing to be disagreeable. Playing this game has the potential of turning your partner off from you permanently.

Instead, come back to compromise. Whatever anger you are harboring and for whatever reason, ask yourself this: does my partner deserve someone that is acting like this? In situations where you are sabotaging your relationship, you’ll immediately see that they don’t deserve this. Stop. Apologize. Then give some thought to what fear or past experience you are projecting on to your partner. Then come back to common sense and compromise in everything you do together.

Boredom With Kindness
So your partner is cooking for you….again. Your partner is holding the door open for you…again. Another hug…more kisses…always trying to help with something. If this is bothering you, then it’s time to look at yourself. Why is it that a partner engaging in loving action bores you or otherwise annoys you? If this behavior isn’t making you happy, consider the opposite behavior and how that would make you feel. By choosing not to be happy with the good things, you are conditioning yourself to find someone that has the bad things. A bad partner always appears to be exciting…at first. Later, you long for the good partner you once had.

Rather than being bored with kindness, appreciate it. There are all too many tales of men and women in relationships that are full of drama, heartache, and emotional ambiguity. Be thankful for the good partner you have. Pushing a partner out of your life like this leads to eventual regret when you discover that you lost the best relationship you’ve ever had.

Brutal Honesty
There is nothing wrong with honesty. However, everything is wrong with brutal honesty. When you are being brutally honest, you are basically giving yourself license to say something with an element of truth in the most cruel, degrading, insulting and hurtful way possible. When your partner gets upset, you clear your conscious by saying that you were only being honest. Brutal honesty is a cover for tearing your partner down emotionally. It’s a way of projecting anger at your partner disguised as a noble attempt at honesty.

Compassionate honesty is the better way to go. Its not so much the message you are delivering that gets your partner upset. Its how that message is delivered. Have the compassion and the patience to be honest with your partner in a loving way. There is no need to tear your partner down to make yourself feel better. Directing disguised anger at your partner is simply misplaced aggression with a back door. The hard truth here is that if your partner gets tired of it, you won’t have anyone around to be brutally honest with. That’s the brutally honest truth.

Belief That Upset Equals Love
There are those of us that try to make our partners upset. We mistakenly believe that if we are worth getting upset about, then our partner must love us. It’s a twisted, self-defeating way of validating ourselves through the emotional torture of another. Why is this method self-defeating? You almost always takes things too far. When your partner gets to the point where they want to leave, that’s when you are finally convinced that they love you. That’s when you realize what you’ve done, and then blame your partner for not really loving you in the first place.

This is a great way to feel like you are loved, while pushing the one that loves you right out of your life. People normally engage in this sort of behavior when they feel like they are damaged goods. People who feel like their partner will eventually see them as they really are and leave for someone better also engage is this sort of behavior. A lot of work is needed on one’s self esteem to get passed this. A change is required at the belief level to understand what love really looks like and how to demonstrate it. Doing things to purposely push your partner’s buttons isn’t love all.

Projecting Your Past Onto Your Future
Let’s say you’ve had 3 bad relationships in a row. What are your expectations for the next relationship? That depends. Do you truly understand that each person is different? Do you recognize that you could be selecting the same type of partner over and over again? Or, do you believe that anyone you date will treat you the way your past relationships have? If you believe that the past will become your future, you will sabotage your relationship by looking for clues of bad things to come. When you do this, you always find what you are looking for. A late night at work becomes an opportunity to cheat in your mind. Dinner with friends becomes a cover story for other bad behavior you plan to engage in. Someone showing your partner attention or attraction stirs the thought in your mind that your partner is out flirting with others.

Rather than engaging in this “no win” scenario for your relationships, realize that your current partner is unique. Their behavior will be different from that of your past relationships. Give them a chance to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Don’t assume failure before you even get started.

Ignoring Your Partner / Avoidance
Everything needs attention to grow. However, you’re afraid of falling in love with your partner or otherwise getting too close or attached. You decide to put some distance between you and your partner as a way of controlling how far and how fast the relationship goes. All you are doing though is creating confusion and frustration in your partner that could lead to relationship doom.

If you allow fear to keep you away from your partner, then you may not be emotionally ready for another relationship yet. You are putting distance between you and your partner in hopes of protecting yourself from them or from the emotions that come with love relationships. The result can be the loss of a relationship that was never going to hurt you in the first place. Don’t participate in a relationship half way. The commitment requires 100% from each person, or it simply will not be healthy and may end.

Love Relationship Advice

When it comes to winning a guy’s heart or maintaining a healthy relationship with the man of their dreams, women count on the love relationship advice offered by their girlfriends. Some of them follow their gut.

A situation when a woman appears needy or wants attention EVERY TIME, is often dodged by men.

So, here we bring to you an exclusive piece of love relationship advice from a man to a woman.

Let’s find out if you have some of these qualities and if not you can always try to impress your man with our love relationship advice:

1. Movies– It’s all about being able to sit through a movie with your man: be it romantic comedy, drama or action. Be interested in what you’re watching. Watching a movie together a nice way to bond. Let him know you’re involved in the movie. Then, discuss what you liked or disliked about the movie. This’ll give you a chance to spend some more time with him. If the story isn’t your cup of tea, let him know. Don’t nag about it. He’ll appreciate your straightforwardness. If he cares about you he’ll make a mental note for the future.

2. Be Presentable– 70% of males accept that having a hot partner is wonderful. But even if the lady is not so hot, they can manage with her being pretty. Men want their children to be beautiful, so an ugly dame is a no-no. They like women who’re able to express their ideas. So, check the way you talk. If you can pen your thoughts with a decent use of language, it’ll be an added advantage. Have your own take on things. Don’t blindly endorse ideas. Your point of view should be backed by some solid reason. In a conversation, if the topic is alien to you, listen to what others have to say and then, use your head to pick a side.

3. Be Fun Loving– You should be able to have a good laugh and let him know that you have a lighter side to your perfect self! You shouldn’t be reckless when having fun and be able to rein him in when needed. Yes! Men dig girls who are dependable.

On the other hand, you shouldn’t be too careful that you end up ruining the fun night. Don’t police him!

4. Liquor Holding Capacity– If you drink, you should know when to stop. Don’t show off your drinking capacity by gulping down 6 shots of neat vodka, when you know you go crazy after the second one! Being a teetotaler is understandable. Vomiting all the way is bound to turn him off unless he’s an opportunist.

5. Be Rooted– There’s nothing wrong with being modern. Guys just say don’t forget your basic values. He’ll be impressed when he knows you take pride in being you. If you forget where you come from, then you couldn’t possibly forecast the course of your relationship.