Category Archives: Relationship

Love Relationships

At one point in my life I thought I could write poetry so I did, I wrote a poetry entitled Love. I was quiet proud of myself, I even nicknamed myself Lyrical One. In reality it was not a very good poem, but at that time I thought it was. The poem was about human love relationships and divine love relationships. In human relationships I defended love by pointing out the errors of human nature. In divine love relationships I pointed out the unconditional love from within.

Today there are more people looking for love than there are people in love. Why is that? I think love has now become a fantasy, a dream, a figment of the imagination, a possible impossibility. The divorce rate is high with money and infidelity being the leading causes; there is a rise in domestic violence resulting in death and suicide; women are portrayed as sex objects in the media; the rate of teenage pregnancy and single parenting continues to rise; and recently bullying has become a major problem resulting in children and teenagers committing suicide. Clearly there is a lack of love in human relationships.

The fact is love requires hard work, commitment and perseverance. In the beginning of love relationships people go through what is called the honeymoon phase. Love is new and exciting and couples tend to fall in love with the feelings of being in love. Once the honeymoon phase is over and reality sets in, some couples tend to encounter conflict, and they may no longer feel the same as they did in the beginning of the relationship. The feeling of love begins to drift away and habits that were cute in the beginning become annoying. Some couples are able to bounce back, some never do.

I believe one of the biggest challenges of love is growing together. As individuals we change as we grow older; our habits, likes and dislikes are altered. For example, people who dated in college and met again 20 years later, have to get reacquainted because so much about each person has changed over the years. It takes effort to grow together as a couple, as each partner changes interests they should simultaneously acknowledge and support each other’s changes.

My observational experience from being around older couples that have been married for 40, 50, and 60 years is love thrives on consistency. Most couples felt the same way about each other as they did when they first met. The common factor among these couples was consistency; they did the same things they did when they first met. They talked, went out on dates, were romantic, and enjoyed each other’s company. The common factor among all these couples was friendship; they were each other’s best friend. I then concluded that couples should like and love each other.

My poem ended with my experience of unconditional love on a day to day basis. I wrote about self love which I later realized can be spiritual in nature. Love begins from within, a popular statement is “one must love oneself before anyone can love him or her.” This statement has been proven true time and time again when addressing the problem of people looking for someone to make them happy or to love them.

How To Keep The Romance And Passion In Love Relationships

In love relationships some people express what I like to call the sweet heartache of love; it is the racing beat of the heart, the butterflies or flutters in the stomach, or the wondering thoughts that make the mind daydream. Holding on to the initial emotions of feeling truly, madly and deeply in love is a challenge most couples face. As time progress or changes occur, couples ability to withstand life changes together is compromised by the predictability of familiarity. Familiarity is practice through the act of dating, the stage of having fun while getting to know a person. The catch is familiarity cannot stop or become stagnant, there must be room for new life experiences for love relationships to grow; in turn, couples should not stop dating in order to keep the romance and passion in their relationship fresh.

The Key of Dating

The key is to never stop what started a love relationship, in order to stay on top the demands of life. As the reality of life begins to settle in, couples have a tendency to get comfortable or familiar with each other. Couples may often no longer work towards impressing one another. They may begin a family which takes additional time away from their love relationship; they no longer have the time or the energy to put into their relationship. With that said, it is crucial to take the time and make the effort to sustain love. To do so couples should never stop dating, including the activities of romance and passion that goes along with dating.

The Goal of Dating

The goal is to keep the excitement, romance, passion, and spontaneity active in love relationships. Never assume that you totally know the person you are with, always keep in mind that different aspects of that person will change while you are together. Overtime, a person has new life changing experiences, both good and bad. Dating will enable couples to keep up with the individual changes that are occurring and impacting their love relationship. Couples should make dating a fun priority or required quality time spent together as a couple. Spending time together could be something simple as a scented candle light bubble bath or something elaborate as a Caribbean cruise.

Conclusion

The mistake most people make is believing love will conquer all, which is partly true; the whole truth is love can conquer all when sustained. Love relationships require hard work considering the changes people go through in their lifetime. Withstanding the changes of growing together as a couple is the biggest challenge of love relationships. In order for couples to keep their relationship fresh, dating should be implemented as a fun priority; it is crucial that couples take the time and make the effort to keep romance and passion in their relationships through dating.

Love & Relationships

Ten years ago I would never have thought I would ever be writing an article about spirituality and relationships. At the time I would have described myself as an atheist or at best an agnostic. I had little or no interest in spiritual matters and spent most of the time using my head to solve problems logically. I had numerous judgements about what I believed were controlling and hypocritical religions. This all came to a painful end when my marriage suddenly failed and I can face-to-face with my insecurities and hidden emotions. With little to fall back on I was thrust into a process of self-discovery and began to ask the bigger questions about life.

The experience of my divorce caused me to open my heart and through a number of relationship workshops run by the Psychology of Vision organisation I began to understand the profound link between our relationships and our spirituality. Although I hadn’t been terribly conscious of it in my marriage, there was something important missing in my life. I soon realised it was a lack of spiritual awareness. I also realised that my idea of love was like a commodity – something I would be given by a woman. This made me incredibly dependent on my wife for happiness. When she left me, I was forced to face the emptiness that had been inside me for most of my life. It was my belief in the scarcity of love that was at the core of my problems.

I was soon to be introduced to an idea that transformed my life – that love is not something we gain and lose – it is our essence. Love is who we are, it is our spirit. It defines us. It makes us feel whole. It is unchanging.

The implications of this idea turned everything I knew about love on its head. Our relationship problems do not come out of a personal lack of love but from an inability to know ourselves as love. Our fights and our withdrawal are a denial of our most precious essence. When we know ourselves as love we will feel complete and no longer have to desperately search for it in the world around us. We will learn to love ourselves and be able to form successful and happy relationships with other people. Such an understanding of love also provides us with a simple yet profound explanation for our spirituality. We do not need complex religious doctrines or philosophical ideas to discover our spirituality – we can simply and very naturally embody our loving essence and feel our loving connections with the people and the world (indeed the Universe) around us. The spiritual is not something full of mystery and superstition that lies at a distance or something that we must earn through religious devotion. It is the love that is ever-present in our lives and is available to us when we choose to experience it.

The other critical change in understanding comes when we release love from the constraints of the physical body. When we think of love as spirit, it becomes infinitely bigger than any of us. In the past I thought of love as the result of biochemical reactions within my brain but now I can visualise love as a Universal field of consciousness, of which I am an intimate part. This loving ‘field’ joins us to everybody and everything rather like a gravitational or magnetic field. Being in a loving relationship with other people and the world around us is therefore our natural state of being. Our suffering comes when we deny this state and believe that we are independent, physical entities. As soon as we disconnect and deny the love that we have for people, we create problems for ourselves. We can think of our relationships occurring on several planes – with a physical, an emotional and a spiritual dimension. In truth these are three manifestations of the same thing, but it can be useful to consider them separately, especially when we are trying to work on certain aspects of our relationships. Such a holistic understanding allows us to consider the whole rather than just the physical person. Working at the spiritual level will always have a positive impact on our physical and emotional relationships.

In a practical sense, the idea that love is our spiritual or divine reality, encourages us to remember who we are. Rather than wonder why we can’t find the right partner to love us in the way we want, we can ask ourselves why we won’t allow ourselves to feel all the love that is our spiritual birthright. By dismantling our own barriers to our spirituality, we naturally discover the self-love that lies underneath. If we forget who we are, we will project out our lack of love (which is another name for fear) onto the people around us and this will trigger their own sense of scarcity. The chances are that they will then attack us or withdraw from us. The solution to every relationship problem or any other problem we might face in life is therefore to rejoin the people involved and re-discover the loving connection that is our true destiny.

It’s not always easy to do this but we can ask for help from God or our higher, intuitive mind. All of us are on an unconscious journey back to the oneness of love and although we might delay our progress, ultimately nothing can stop us. The ideas that I introduce in my website and these articles are designed to assist the process of remembering who we are and forgiving ourselves and the people around us so that we can re-connect with them in a loving bond. At any moment in our lives, a choice for love rather than fear, will help us stay on the spiritual path back home and bring great happiness to our relationships.

Ways You Sabotage Your Love Relationship

You may be pushing your partner out of your life. Your fears, guilt, doubt, past experiences and feelings of unworthiness may drive you to doing and saying terrible things to the one you like or love. Whether you are doing this consciously or unconsciously, you could be pushing away the relationship of a lifetime.

It’s time to stop sabotaging your love relationship. You are worthy of relationship happiness. Your partner is not better or worse than you, as you both bring equally important things to the relationship. Here are 6 ways that you are sabotaging your love relationship, and what to do about them.

Unreasonableness
Doing the opposite of what your partner wants for not good reason is not good. At first, it will appear to your partner that you just aren’t seeing eye to eye. Eventually, it will become clear to your partner, and everyone else, that you are just disagreeing to be disagreeable. Playing this game has the potential of turning your partner off from you permanently.

Instead, come back to compromise. Whatever anger you are harboring and for whatever reason, ask yourself this: does my partner deserve someone that is acting like this? In situations where you are sabotaging your relationship, you’ll immediately see that they don’t deserve this. Stop. Apologize. Then give some thought to what fear or past experience you are projecting on to your partner. Then come back to common sense and compromise in everything you do together.

Boredom With Kindness
So your partner is cooking for you….again. Your partner is holding the door open for you…again. Another hug…more kisses…always trying to help with something. If this is bothering you, then it’s time to look at yourself. Why is it that a partner engaging in loving action bores you or otherwise annoys you? If this behavior isn’t making you happy, consider the opposite behavior and how that would make you feel. By choosing not to be happy with the good things, you are conditioning yourself to find someone that has the bad things. A bad partner always appears to be exciting…at first. Later, you long for the good partner you once had.

Rather than being bored with kindness, appreciate it. There are all too many tales of men and women in relationships that are full of drama, heartache, and emotional ambiguity. Be thankful for the good partner you have. Pushing a partner out of your life like this leads to eventual regret when you discover that you lost the best relationship you’ve ever had.

Brutal Honesty
There is nothing wrong with honesty. However, everything is wrong with brutal honesty. When you are being brutally honest, you are basically giving yourself license to say something with an element of truth in the most cruel, degrading, insulting and hurtful way possible. When your partner gets upset, you clear your conscious by saying that you were only being honest. Brutal honesty is a cover for tearing your partner down emotionally. It’s a way of projecting anger at your partner disguised as a noble attempt at honesty.

Compassionate honesty is the better way to go. Its not so much the message you are delivering that gets your partner upset. Its how that message is delivered. Have the compassion and the patience to be honest with your partner in a loving way. There is no need to tear your partner down to make yourself feel better. Directing disguised anger at your partner is simply misplaced aggression with a back door. The hard truth here is that if your partner gets tired of it, you won’t have anyone around to be brutally honest with. That’s the brutally honest truth.

Belief That Upset Equals Love
There are those of us that try to make our partners upset. We mistakenly believe that if we are worth getting upset about, then our partner must love us. It’s a twisted, self-defeating way of validating ourselves through the emotional torture of another. Why is this method self-defeating? You almost always takes things too far. When your partner gets to the point where they want to leave, that’s when you are finally convinced that they love you. That’s when you realize what you’ve done, and then blame your partner for not really loving you in the first place.

This is a great way to feel like you are loved, while pushing the one that loves you right out of your life. People normally engage in this sort of behavior when they feel like they are damaged goods. People who feel like their partner will eventually see them as they really are and leave for someone better also engage is this sort of behavior. A lot of work is needed on one’s self esteem to get passed this. A change is required at the belief level to understand what love really looks like and how to demonstrate it. Doing things to purposely push your partner’s buttons isn’t love all.

Projecting Your Past Onto Your Future
Let’s say you’ve had 3 bad relationships in a row. What are your expectations for the next relationship? That depends. Do you truly understand that each person is different? Do you recognize that you could be selecting the same type of partner over and over again? Or, do you believe that anyone you date will treat you the way your past relationships have? If you believe that the past will become your future, you will sabotage your relationship by looking for clues of bad things to come. When you do this, you always find what you are looking for. A late night at work becomes an opportunity to cheat in your mind. Dinner with friends becomes a cover story for other bad behavior you plan to engage in. Someone showing your partner attention or attraction stirs the thought in your mind that your partner is out flirting with others.

Rather than engaging in this “no win” scenario for your relationships, realize that your current partner is unique. Their behavior will be different from that of your past relationships. Give them a chance to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Don’t assume failure before you even get started.

Ignoring Your Partner / Avoidance
Everything needs attention to grow. However, you’re afraid of falling in love with your partner or otherwise getting too close or attached. You decide to put some distance between you and your partner as a way of controlling how far and how fast the relationship goes. All you are doing though is creating confusion and frustration in your partner that could lead to relationship doom.

If you allow fear to keep you away from your partner, then you may not be emotionally ready for another relationship yet. You are putting distance between you and your partner in hopes of protecting yourself from them or from the emotions that come with love relationships. The result can be the loss of a relationship that was never going to hurt you in the first place. Don’t participate in a relationship half way. The commitment requires 100% from each person, or it simply will not be healthy and may end.

Love Relationship Advice

When it comes to winning a guy’s heart or maintaining a healthy relationship with the man of their dreams, women count on the love relationship advice offered by their girlfriends. Some of them follow their gut.

A situation when a woman appears needy or wants attention EVERY TIME, is often dodged by men.

So, here we bring to you an exclusive piece of love relationship advice from a man to a woman.

Let’s find out if you have some of these qualities and if not you can always try to impress your man with our love relationship advice:

1. Movies– It’s all about being able to sit through a movie with your man: be it romantic comedy, drama or action. Be interested in what you’re watching. Watching a movie together a nice way to bond. Let him know you’re involved in the movie. Then, discuss what you liked or disliked about the movie. This’ll give you a chance to spend some more time with him. If the story isn’t your cup of tea, let him know. Don’t nag about it. He’ll appreciate your straightforwardness. If he cares about you he’ll make a mental note for the future.

2. Be Presentable– 70% of males accept that having a hot partner is wonderful. But even if the lady is not so hot, they can manage with her being pretty. Men want their children to be beautiful, so an ugly dame is a no-no. They like women who’re able to express their ideas. So, check the way you talk. If you can pen your thoughts with a decent use of language, it’ll be an added advantage. Have your own take on things. Don’t blindly endorse ideas. Your point of view should be backed by some solid reason. In a conversation, if the topic is alien to you, listen to what others have to say and then, use your head to pick a side.

3. Be Fun Loving– You should be able to have a good laugh and let him know that you have a lighter side to your perfect self! You shouldn’t be reckless when having fun and be able to rein him in when needed. Yes! Men dig girls who are dependable.

On the other hand, you shouldn’t be too careful that you end up ruining the fun night. Don’t police him!

4. Liquor Holding Capacity– If you drink, you should know when to stop. Don’t show off your drinking capacity by gulping down 6 shots of neat vodka, when you know you go crazy after the second one! Being a teetotaler is understandable. Vomiting all the way is bound to turn him off unless he’s an opportunist.

5. Be Rooted– There’s nothing wrong with being modern. Guys just say don’t forget your basic values. He’ll be impressed when he knows you take pride in being you. If you forget where you come from, then you couldn’t possibly forecast the course of your relationship.

5 Reasons Why and How to Get Them in a Loving Relationship

Love is abstract. It does not have a proper definition. But still it rules the world. No one can live without love-be it love towards the partner, love for friends, love for parents, love for family, love for dreams and love for self.

Among all these variations of love, the love relationship between a boy and a girl is quite complex. No love relationship can exist without proper commitment level from both parties. Without commitment to the relationship one does not feel the emotions of the opposite partner. You must be committed to carry on the relationship with an element of enduring love and care. Only then you can expect a healthy relationship with your partner.

It is a very common scenario in the world that men are less committed in a relationship. They like to jump from one place to another on a regular basis. It is yet to be derived whether it has some genetic and evolutionary reasons or just a patriarchy related side-effect. Whatever the reason it is a fact that men are less committed compared to their female counterparts.

But as have been told already without proper commitment any relationship is a failure in itself. Both the parties involved share responsibilities of such a disaster. The man must behave in a responsible manner to carry on the relationship with a solid level of commitment. If he is not committed then he needs to work on it. On the other hand the girls should understand the situation well and behave accordingly.

They should try to convince and explain the male counterparts that commitment is necessary to carry on their love forever. Efforts must be on to understand that a lot of men are afraid of commitment in a relationship. So the girls need to play an active role to shred away this scariness from the minds of the men.

Some reasons can be listed along with their remedies of men’s scariness and lack of commitment in a relationship.

Natural immaturity of the mind
A lot of men fail to act as a committed creature just because of their low age group. It needs time to understand the intricacies of life. Mental maturity is very much necessary for a commitment in a relationship.

Bad experiences
Men with sad broken relationships find it tough to assimilate in a new relationship. He becomes afraid of commitment. Proper care and comforting behaviour by the new girl is the key to a successful relationship with such men.

Aggressive behaviour of the female counterpart
A lot of men are afraid of love relationships for the aggressive role played out by their girls in a regular manner. Moreover girls with a flirty nature push back one’s commitment in the relationship with her.

Lack of self-confidence
Some men are very weak in nature. It is impossible for them to get committed in a relationship. They are a failure in case of taking responsibilities.

Playboy attitude
There are some men who like to play with girls. There is no scope of commitment in such cases.

Techniques to Maintain a Loving Relationship

I believe I make all the difference to the person I have a personal and intimate relationship with. I also believe once I enter a relationship, I am no longer independent, but am now interdependent. For me to have the best relationship possible, I must bring to the highest level of consciousness possible, myself, the person I am involved with, and the relationship I am having.

The word conscience is made up of two words. The word, “con” which means with and the word, “science” which means knowledge. Therefore, conscience means with knowledge. Our knowledge of truth comes from within, within knowledge of ourselves. When our conscious bothers us, it is because something is wrong. We have the knowledge that something is wrong.

How do I go about raising my consciousness about a relationship? What if I think it is already raised as high as it can go, how can I be sure it can not be elevated anymore? I have discovered six words that I keep in mind to help me raise my consciousness.

1) Objective

The main thing I need to do is to know what my objective is. What is it that I want? What I want is to be in a loving relationship. Of course I can want more than one thing, but for me to be in a loving relationship is plenty.

2) Intention

I have also discovered that intention is crucial to success.

I need to know why I want a relationship and what I want for, of, and from the relationship.

3) Focus

Next, I have to focus. This is sometimes an issue for me. I get easily distracted. Not by other men, but other things I want. If my goal is to be in a loving relationship, what does that require? It requires my thinking about my time together and my time apart from the person I am having an intimate relationship with. This includes my time at work, with friends, at school, with my family, pursuing my hobbies and other outside extracurricular activities, events, obligations, and desires I have.

Saying I want a relationship and not scheduling time for it does not work. I know because I learned this lesson early on in the relationship. My boyfriend and I were only seeing each other every other weekend. One of the weekends we were scheduled to be together, I added a get together with my family as well. I did not share this with him, until the last minute. It did not work. He felt alone. I felt his discontent with everything and it impacted our being together and our being with my family. However, because I cared about him, I got that I contributed to the discontent of the weekend by not honoring my word to him and to myself that every other weekend would be about us. I realized that to be in a loving relationship I have to decide how much I am prepared to do.

I learned that meeting the right person and having things in common or mutual attraction and appreciation for one another is good. But, being a relationship requires more. It requires thinking about my needs and my obligations and how I fit into the life of my boyfriend, as well as, how he fits in to mine. Do we make time for each other? Making time for each other does not always require being physically there. Phone calls, text messages, emails, are other ways of being in communication. Both, my boyfriend and I have to be focused on our work during the day, as our days are very hectic. We, therefore, have agreed to talk every night at 9pm.

4) Affirmations

I firmly believe that what you say you attract. Therefore, I use the power of affirmations to attract the kind of relationship I want. Two affirmations, I find myself saying is:

I am in a loving relationship that is simple and easy to maintain.

Everyday in every way all that I do brings my boyfriend and me closer.

5) Inner Dialogues (Conversations that are going on inside my head.)

Often people say one thing and think another. I am no exception. It is important that I am aware of what the little voice inside of my head tells me about the relationship I am in and the person I am with. If I am conscious of my inner dialogue, I can create the life I want. If what I say is not in sync with what I think, I immediately tweak the conversation. If I want to be in a loving relationship, I have to think that the relationship I am in is a loving one to be in. If I say one thing and immediately think something else and do not realize that I am doing this, I will not get the results I want for myself and my life.

I have learned to focus on facts. I try not to read into things and to make meaning out of things based on the conversations I am having inside my head. For example, if I tell my boyfriend I want to go see a movie and he says, no, I do not assume he does not want to please me. Perhaps we do not have enough time to see a movie and get back home in time, or he does not like what is playing or he rather go somewhere where we can be more romantic. I have learned to be careful not to jump to conclusions. I have learned that often the things I perceive as rejection is not rejection at all, but other factors that I was not aware of coming into play.

I have also learned you have to ask why. If I do not ask, I do not know. I am then just left guessing, and perhaps guessing incorrectly. I have learned never to be afraid to find out an answer. The truth is best, because it allows you to move forward in life, freely.

6) Talking (Bringing my inner thoughts to the surface.)

If I am attracted to the person I am with physically, and emotionally, but another part of me is not attracted that this person is not on the same spiritual level that I would like him to be, I feel unsettled. It affects my relationship with him and my relationship with myself. I therefore tell him this and we talk about it. We can then work on it together. I can not be in love with someone on one level, when on another level, I am not comfortable with who he is. By bringing all my thoughts to the surface, I can make decisions for my life. I can be authentic with my boyfriend and have a real relationship, not just an imagined one.

I know for a fact, that if you do not speak what is bothering you, because you do not want to hurt the feelings of the person you are having a relationship with, your partner feels it anyway. Somehow, someway problems creep into the relationship. Knowing and sharing the truth sets me free to have a loving relationship.

Love Relationship Advice

Most people do not find it difficult to find love but what starts to complicate things is that it is more difficult to make it last. Yet it is not impossible to keep your love for each other Keeping your love for each other strong is not impossible if you understand why relationships fall apart and are able to side step these pitfalls. At this point love relationship advice can be very useful.

Meeting each other to find the ideal partner has become easier with online dating services. Using these site makes it much easier than visiting all the bars in town to find that special person. Most couples have little difficulty in the first few months of their relationship. When you are in love it is so easy to find the other person perfect, as you are unable to see anything wrong in what your partner does during the initial stages of the relationship.

The expression that familiarity breeds contempt goes far in explaining why the longer a relationship continues the more often it problems occur.

So you both be wary of certain things creeping into your relationship as they are often traps that couples fall into without realizing what is happening. Knowing how to avoid these problems will give you a better chance of maintaining the strength and health of your relationship over the long term. The main types of problems are listed below.

1. Unrealistic expectations. At the start we all tend to believe that our new love can do no wrong. As our relationship slowly changes from falling in love to being in love and all the daily problems that have to be faced up to, it is so easy to lose some of the early glamour. At this point many couples conclude that they are no longer in love with each other and split up. The reality is that you are going to spend much more time in this ‘normal’ mode than you will in the early ‘glamour’ mode. You must recognise this is a perfectly normal progression in an adult relationship.

2. Inability to communicate effectively. It is the way life is that men and women express themselves differently. If you’re willing to take some time to learn how to you can learn to communicate effectively with your partner. To say that it is just the specialty of the men or the women serves just to provide an excuse for not learning. Yet, in reality, any mature and intelligent adult should be able to learn how to talk to and above all listen to their partner. You have to care enough about your partner and the relationship to take the time that is necessary to do so.

3. Don’t confuse sex with love. Men and women tend to look at sex in different ways. Women tend to look at sex as a way to connect with someone they love on a deeper physical level. The pleasure must be both physical and emotional. Men tend to see in sex, the definition of who they are as a man. As well as the pleasure they believe they have to prove their desirability and masculinity. When a relationship gets to the ‘comfortable’ stage this divergence of opinion creates considerable problems. When one partner seems less sexually interest in the other partner, severe stress is often created in the relationship.

If you arrive at this point in your relationship, don’t forget that sex is but one small part of all that your relationship consists of. Many couples find that an active sex life is an important part of the relationship, but they should not forget that as they get older and their relationship grows, it will likely become less important. So don’t think that your partner does not love you anymore or find you appealing; it is the natural result the longer the relationship lasts.

Improve Your Love Relationship

As human beings, we all desire to establish, develop and maintain loving relationship with those whom we care about. Most of us especially desire a love relationship, someone with whom to share our lives and grow old. It is arguable that on one really wants to die alone. But if this is so, then why are U.S divorce rates so high?

Many factors can account for why people split up such as early marriage, financial problems, infidelity, drug and alcohol addiction and abuse just to name a few. But, no one enters into a marriage with the intention of divorce so what goes wrong?

In order to maintain a love relationship over time, the bottom line is that each person in the marriage has a certain obligation and responsibility to practice emotional maturity and personal responsibility for their feelings, dreams and aspirations. Here are five key things to keep in mind if you want to keep that love relationship alive and well for decades.

Five ways to improve your love relationship

1. Be honest with yourself about who you really are, not who you think you should be or your spouse wants you to be. We can all only keep up a charade for so long, and then the dark side of us exposes itself at the worst possible moment.

Most of the time we deny to our conscious self that we do have a dark side in which we don’t always act in way we’d like. We confuse who we think we are with who we really are, a living human being with a complete range of powerful emotions that we’ve learned are not safe to express, especially the vulnerable or dark ones.

If we can’t accept that we are humans and are imperfect, how can we expect our spouse to do so? As long as we wear the mask of happy at the expense of embracing our pain and fear, an underlying anger and resentment will grow and grow until it finally rears its ugly head or we stuff it inside and become a victim. We begin the death march of projection of our anger, disappointment and depression onto our spouse. Somehow it makes sense to blame them. The result of this is an emotional distancing that is unhealthy and painful for both partners.

Understanding our own responsibility to be honest with who we are, what our aspirations are, what our fears are and what our joys are gives us permission and courage to ask for what we need it the love relationship.

2. Make time for the love relationship

This has been said many times, many ways and it bears repeating here. As time goes by and real life begins to creep into your loving world, it is important to remember why you got married in the first place and it is equally important to remember why you were attracted to your lover in the first place. All of the qualities that put butterflies in you stomach and passion in your heart in the early days of the relationship, still exist. However, life doesn’t stand still just because we are in love. No, the sun still rises every morning, the darkness comes and the bills have to be paid.

The importance of scheduled time together cannot be overstated. As you and your spouse grow, so too, will your love relationship. It will grow and change as you do and if you do not establish a deep respect and friendship with each other, your love relationship will suffer. Be creative about together time. Take turns planning your special time together, surprise each other, have fun, create adventures and make a point to create memorable moments. This is as easy as consciously being present in the simplest of moments. When you are fully present to your love, the meaning will be memorable.

3. Be compassionate

Over time, it become very easy to take our love relationship and our partner for granted, in actuality, we begin to consider them as an extension or ourselves and this, too, is a deadly mistake. While the two of you may have joined together as “one” in marriage, there are still two distinct personalities that have dreams and goals. Eventually the day will come when we find ourselves being harsh and judgemental toward the one we love the most. Other times we find ourselves speaking to our love in a way in which we would never speak to another person. At times like these, remember that how we speak to our spouse or others who are close to us, is actually a reflection of how we speak to ourselves in our minds through a process of negative internal dialog. This is a reminder to us to stop and show compassion both to ourselves and to our love and our loving relationship.

4. Be committed

A love relationship is above all a commitment that we make not only to our lover, but to ourselves. We are best served by understanding that a commitment is not just a promise and a powerful intention, it is our integrity. Personal integrity is separate from moral or ethical integrity an responsibility. It is a promise we make to ourselves, an internal standard of the way we will live our lives. Many moments will come and go that will test the integrity of both partners, but an acknowledgment of our own code of conduct and what is in our own integrity can serve as a powerful anchor to steady us to our commitment when challenging times befall us.

5. Be Positive

It’s human nature, for some unknown reason, to look for what is wrong instead of looking for what is right. This is a habit that is a must in a loving relationship. We find what we look for, so if we look for what is going wrong, or what we think is wrong about our spouse, we are sure to find it. On the other hand, if we look for what is right, we will surely find that as well.

In moments of frustration, asking this question, am I looking for what is right or what is wrong, can bring some much needed positive energy to any situation. There is no flaw in another that we can recognize that does not, in fact, dwell within us. The old saying “You spot it, you got it” is trite but true. We cannot identify what is wrong with someone else if it didn’t exist is us. If not, how would we know it exists? How would be be able to spot it in another? And likewise with looking for what is right. We possess those qualities too, for again, if not, we would never be able to recognize them in our lover or the loving relationship.

There is nothing like being in love, but nothing endures like a truly loving relationship that is built on honesty, integrity, compassion, commitment and a true respect for the greater support structure being built. These qualities are the bedrock of any loving relationship that will be with you for the rest of your life, in good times and bad, in sickness and health until death parts you briefly.

Love Relationships Advice

Love relationships advice is most useful when two people fall in love. It is great that two people could easily fall in love and come together as a couple and begin living life intimately. Unfortunately, not every couple is able to maintain this lovely life together because they might not be aware of the problems relationships can have.

The world is better connected now than what it used to, particularly with the Internet connecting people from one end of the world to the other end. There are online dating sites, forums for people with common interests, websites to advertise and inform you of blind date venues. Thus, searching for someone who shares your feelings with you and falls in love with you would be easier now compared to last time.

In the beginning, you and your lover would feel that your relationship is like a dream come true, where your lover is perfect and your life is finally completed. However, life is never smooth, and at certain points in your life, you two would soon find difficulties and flaws in your relationship. It would only be a matter of time before things become heated.

Here are a number of things you could look out for in a relationship. These are some of the more common problems that couples could face in a relationship, regardless how long they have been together. They are rather generic, but the idea of how you could conflict with your lover is the important point.

You might expect too much out of your relationship. You might believe that nothing could ever go wrong in your relationship because you two are always in agreement, or you two have learned how to give and take. After some time of being together, you two might actually find more flaws in each other that you were not expecting. Or there might be some commitment you had expected from your partner but finds that your partner could no longer keep up. This takes you quite by surprise and you might be unprepared to face it, resulting in emotions that you may not know how to deal with yet, or need time to deal with before facing your loved one again. You need to be mentally prepared to come upon anything that might go wrong in your relationship.

The next is the inability to communicate properly with each other. You might have won your lover’s heart back then with words of seduction and the promise of intimate passion, and your lover understood what you meant. In a relationship, where things involve more than just passionate feelings for each other, the words you two use would be different and there could be a need to relearn and understand each other all over again. This is when you two need to communicate to each other properly and clearly state what you two want in your relationship.

Sexual desires need to be better understood. It is part of the human instinct to want to breed, and both the man and the woman would have a certain degree of desire. However, that degree would differ for each of them. Men are known to have a higher sexual drive, where making love every night becomes something out of habit. For women, they would require a more intimate setting and more appropriate environment before they would consider making love. Men tend to mate for the purpose of fulfilling their bodily desires, while women mate for the purpose of improving their souls. This is where a conflict could occur.

This is also one of the times when you two need to understand that making love is only one feature in a relationship. The coupling of people has unfortunately been stereotyped to be an occurrence for a man and a woman to make love. A relationship is actually made up of more than just sex. Think about why you love your spouse and what you want to do in your relationship together and you would slowly find the other things that make up your relationship. One of the most significant feature of a relationship is the love and support your lover gives you in your life.

Learning to make a relationship stay long also displays your passion and interest in it, and with effort from you and your partner, making your relationship work and stay long would become a most delightful outcome.