Techniques to Maintain a Loving Relationship

I believe I make all the difference to the person I have a personal and intimate relationship with. I also believe once I enter a relationship, I am no longer independent, but am now interdependent. For me to have the best relationship possible, I must bring to the highest level of consciousness possible, myself, the person I am involved with, and the relationship I am having.

The word conscience is made up of two words. The word, “con” which means with and the word, “science” which means knowledge. Therefore, conscience means with knowledge. Our knowledge of truth comes from within, within knowledge of ourselves. When our conscious bothers us, it is because something is wrong. We have the knowledge that something is wrong.

How do I go about raising my consciousness about a relationship? What if I think it is already raised as high as it can go, how can I be sure it can not be elevated anymore? I have discovered six words that I keep in mind to help me raise my consciousness.

1) Objective

The main thing I need to do is to know what my objective is. What is it that I want? What I want is to be in a loving relationship. Of course I can want more than one thing, but for me to be in a loving relationship is plenty.

2) Intention

I have also discovered that intention is crucial to success.

I need to know why I want a relationship and what I want for, of, and from the relationship.

3) Focus

Next, I have to focus. This is sometimes an issue for me. I get easily distracted. Not by other men, but other things I want. If my goal is to be in a loving relationship, what does that require? It requires my thinking about my time together and my time apart from the person I am having an intimate relationship with. This includes my time at work, with friends, at school, with my family, pursuing my hobbies and other outside extracurricular activities, events, obligations, and desires I have.

Saying I want a relationship and not scheduling time for it does not work. I know because I learned this lesson early on in the relationship. My boyfriend and I were only seeing each other every other weekend. One of the weekends we were scheduled to be together, I added a get together with my family as well. I did not share this with him, until the last minute. It did not work. He felt alone. I felt his discontent with everything and it impacted our being together and our being with my family. However, because I cared about him, I got that I contributed to the discontent of the weekend by not honoring my word to him and to myself that every other weekend would be about us. I realized that to be in a loving relationship I have to decide how much I am prepared to do.

I learned that meeting the right person and having things in common or mutual attraction and appreciation for one another is good. But, being a relationship requires more. It requires thinking about my needs and my obligations and how I fit into the life of my boyfriend, as well as, how he fits in to mine. Do we make time for each other? Making time for each other does not always require being physically there. Phone calls, text messages, emails, are other ways of being in communication. Both, my boyfriend and I have to be focused on our work during the day, as our days are very hectic. We, therefore, have agreed to talk every night at 9pm.

4) Affirmations

I firmly believe that what you say you attract. Therefore, I use the power of affirmations to attract the kind of relationship I want. Two affirmations, I find myself saying is:

I am in a loving relationship that is simple and easy to maintain.

Everyday in every way all that I do brings my boyfriend and me closer.

5) Inner Dialogues (Conversations that are going on inside my head.)

Often people say one thing and think another. I am no exception. It is important that I am aware of what the little voice inside of my head tells me about the relationship I am in and the person I am with. If I am conscious of my inner dialogue, I can create the life I want. If what I say is not in sync with what I think, I immediately tweak the conversation. If I want to be in a loving relationship, I have to think that the relationship I am in is a loving one to be in. If I say one thing and immediately think something else and do not realize that I am doing this, I will not get the results I want for myself and my life.

I have learned to focus on facts. I try not to read into things and to make meaning out of things based on the conversations I am having inside my head. For example, if I tell my boyfriend I want to go see a movie and he says, no, I do not assume he does not want to please me. Perhaps we do not have enough time to see a movie and get back home in time, or he does not like what is playing or he rather go somewhere where we can be more romantic. I have learned to be careful not to jump to conclusions. I have learned that often the things I perceive as rejection is not rejection at all, but other factors that I was not aware of coming into play.

I have also learned you have to ask why. If I do not ask, I do not know. I am then just left guessing, and perhaps guessing incorrectly. I have learned never to be afraid to find out an answer. The truth is best, because it allows you to move forward in life, freely.

6) Talking (Bringing my inner thoughts to the surface.)

If I am attracted to the person I am with physically, and emotionally, but another part of me is not attracted that this person is not on the same spiritual level that I would like him to be, I feel unsettled. It affects my relationship with him and my relationship with myself. I therefore tell him this and we talk about it. We can then work on it together. I can not be in love with someone on one level, when on another level, I am not comfortable with who he is. By bringing all my thoughts to the surface, I can make decisions for my life. I can be authentic with my boyfriend and have a real relationship, not just an imagined one.

I know for a fact, that if you do not speak what is bothering you, because you do not want to hurt the feelings of the person you are having a relationship with, your partner feels it anyway. Somehow, someway problems creep into the relationship. Knowing and sharing the truth sets me free to have a loving relationship.